Happily ever after isn’t so happy.

The magic fades, wiped away with worries about money, the kids, traffic, work, aging parents. The pieces of the puzzle change with every relationship, but what doesn’t change is the work it takes to keep it alive. Sometimes that can be a big job but if couples embrace random acts of intimacy the big job never gets too big. 

So what exactly are random acts of intimacy? Little surprises tucked into each day, shared moments when you stop thinking about everything else. Stocking the fridge with your partner’s favorite adult beverage. Picking up the dry cleaning without being asked. Couch snuggles instead of sitting across the room. Turning off the bedroom tv and turning on the conversation…and not about real-world stuff. Sharing something new about your childhood, or a favorite memory. Lying on the floor together, petting the dog. Or making up a story together over text, one line at time, trading turns until someone types “THE END.”

Perhaps the most amazing random acts of intimacy are physical. Sweeping hair to one side, lips brushing the back of her neck…but not in bed. From behind while she’s doing dishes. Put your arms around her waist, pulling her into a reverse warm embrace, and then pick up a dish towel to dry. Spread a blanket under the stars after the kids are in bed, lie together, connected, pointing to the constellations but not saying a word. Save water and shower together, soaping up all the strategic areas, but stopping…rinsing, toweling each other off. 

Random acts of intimacy are not about the end, but about the journey. It’s even better if the final destination is off limits for awhile. Take it slow, take the back roads, but most of all, pay attention. Connection doesn’t happen randomly, but through intention, and connection is what restores the magic.

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